Types of difficult conversation
Any conversation that you would rather not have can result in you perceiving the conversation to be a difficult one. Line managers are often embarrassed about raising an issue due to its sensitive nature or fear that the employee will react negatively to what they have to say, with denial, anger or verbal abuse.
Issues that you may find difficult to raise with employees include:
- delivering bad news, for example informing an employee that they are in the pool of candidates being considered for redundancy, confirmation that an employee is being dismissed for any reason, and informing an employee that they have not been selected for promotion
- providing critical feedback on an employee’s performance
- raising an issue of misconduct
- raising the issue of an employee’s personal hygiene
- addressing a conflict between colleagues
- acknowledging that you were wrong and the employee was right.
Having the conversations early on
Delaying a difficult conversation until a suitable opportunity presents itself inevitably results in the issue not being dealt with.
Remember:
- A problem will not usually resolve itself.
- Even if you consider that the issue that needs to be addressed is a temporary one, the problem may reoccur in the future if it is not dealt with.
- Not dealing with the issue can lead to further complications, making the issue more difficult to deal with in the future
Prepare
Effective preparation for the meeting will help you get across what they want to say without losing sight of the objective.
There are several strands to effective preparation:
- Investigate: You should research the issue before the meeting to be able to provide evidence of the message that you are imparting.
- Outcomes: You should decide what the ideal outcome of the conversation would be.
- Style: You should think carefully about the differences between your character and that of the employee. You could adapt your style of doing things to assist with understanding and acceptance of the message by the employee.
- Frame of mind: You should think about your frame of mind before having the conversation.
- Materials: You should prepare any materials or evidence that may be needed for the meeting.
- Location and environment: A difficult conversation should always be conducted in private so that neither you nor the employee is embarrassed and so that you both feel that you can speak freely. This will also ensure that you do not breach confidentiality towards the employee.
The employee may not get the hint if you try to tackle a problem by raising it as a general issue in a team meeting. This tactic may also have a negative impact on the employee’s colleagues if they know that the issue is not theirs to deal with. It is essential for you to have a one-to-one meeting with the individual so that the individual understands that the issue relates to them.
It is more effective to have a face-to-face conversation rather than a telephone conversation, as you can judge whether or not the employee is taking serious note. The employee can also see that you are taking the issue seriously.
You should allow sufficient time to enable proper discussion.
Communicate
It is important to communicate the issue clearly, so that there are no misunderstandings. You must also put the message across in a way that is constructive, even though the information may seem negative.
- Set the right tone: You should begin the conversation in a professional manner as this will encourage a professional attitude throughout the meeting and help to achieve a successful outcome.
- State the issues clearly: To avoid misunderstanding, you should state clearly what the issue is. Praise or positive comments can be useful, but you should not let this cloud the message that they need to impart.
- Put the issue in context: You should demonstrate why the issue is important.
- Give specific examples and evidence
- Focus on the issue, not the person: You should avoid expressing your opinion about the employee. This can be done by sticking to the facts and avoiding generalisations and comments on the individual’s personality, such as “you’re always late” or “you can’t be trusted”.
- Avoid an attitude of blame: The issue needs to be addressed in a collaborative way.
- Avoid belittling the issue: Your own fear of a difficult conversation could lead you to belittle the issue, which could result in the employee not taking the issue seriously. You should avoid phrases such as “this won’t take long”, “it’s really not a big deal” and “I’m sure you’re aware of what I’ll be saying”.
- Be positive: You should be bold and state that you want a successful outcome to the meeting. This will give a constructive tone and feel to the conversation even if the news seems bad.
Listen
Being listened to can help employees feel that they are being taken seriously. Taking the time to listen will also help you gather useful information about the issue. You should prepare questions but let the employee explain or react in their own time.
